7 Direct Skills for Coaches and Parents to Help Athletes Manage Negative Thinking
We’ve previously discussed strategies that athletes can use to help them manage negative thought patterns. But those are only going to be as effective when athletes use them. Parents and coaches might find it difficult to watch athletes become absorbed in negative thoughts and often have a front row seat to the ripple effect these thoughts cause in competition and off the field. You can see it in their body language, their hesitation, and even in their sleep or mood at home. It is tempting to want to jump in and help your athlete and even “argue” with the thoughts when you care so much about your athlete and see the damage these thoughts during competition and off the field. If only that were effective. Sadly, there isn’t a magical way to get your athlete to turn off these thoughts and see themselves in the positive way that you see them. However, as a parent or coach, your influence is powerful and how you respond to an athlete’s negativity can either fuel the spiral or help interrupt it.
Here are 7 strategies to help you be a steady, supportive force in an athlete’s mental game.
1. Stop Trying to “Fix” the Thought Right Away
Athletes don’t need someone to rush in with a motivational quote or a “You’ve got this!” every time they’re down. That can feel dismissive or like pressure to feel better fast. Similarly, don’t argue with the thought. When someone is feeling bad about themselves, saying “That’s not true” can leave them feeling less seen, despite the plethora evidence you can provide to back up your argument.
Instead: Get curious. Ask, “What’s the thought behind how you’re feeling?” or “What’s the voice in your head saying right now?” Helping them name the thought, and the feeling behind the thought, gives them less power—and teaches emotional awareness.
2. Normalize Negative Thinking Without Letting It Drive the Bus
Everyone has negative thoughts. It’s not about avoiding them; it’s about not letting them take the wheel.
What to Say:
“That makes sense. Most athletes think like that when they’re feeling pressure.
“You can feel that way and still perform well.”
“The thought is there, but what’s the truth you want to focus on instead?”
3. Focus on Character Traits that Build Identity, Not Outcome
When athletes tie their self-worth to performance, every mistake becomes a personal failure. This fuels shame and fear-based thinking. It might be tempting to try to comfort an athlete by reminding them that they are a great athlete, but this approach can backfire in the face of normal game challenges, continuing to fuel future negativity, and leaving them questioning your credibility. For example, saying “You’re a great ball player” to cheer up your athlete midgame, might not carry much weight if they strike out their next at bat.
What to Reinforce Instead: Think qualities, like resilience, hard work, and determination, rather than broad identities. For example:
“You’re resilient, even when the game doesn’t go your way.”
“Your value doesn’t change based on today’s score or stat line.”
“You’re the kind of person who keeps showing up—that’s what I admire.”
4. Use Thought-Replacement Training in Practice
Negative thinking thrives when left unchallenged. Train athletes to reframe in real time—not just during emotional talks.
How to Do It:
During drills or games, if an athlete says something like “I suck,” try:
“Let’s rewind. What’s a more helpful phrase?”
“What would a confident version of you say right now?”
Make this part of your culture—just like any physical skill.
5. Teach Breathing and Grounding Skills
When an athlete is spiraling, no amount of logic is going to land if their nervous system is dysregulated. Start with the body.
Tools to Teach:
Box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4)
Grounding: “Find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.”
These calm the brain and bring us back to the present moment.
6. Model How to Handle Mistakes and Pressure
Kids watch how adults handle stress. If you react with frustration, harsh criticism, or anxiety, they internalize that as the standard.
What to Model:
Calm, consistent communication, regardless of whether the team wins or loses.
Talk about what you do when negative thoughts creep in. Adults struggle with this and also need skills to help. Sharing this helps young athletes feel less alone.
Own your own emotional reactions. You don’t have to be perfect in how you handle mistakes or pressure, but you do need to be aware. Owning and recognizing when you don’t get it right can be even more impactful than it goes right. For example, if you see yourself starting to get upset and then correct it, saying something like “I was frustrated but I realized I needed to take a step back” will go a long way with teens.
7. Get Professional Support When Needed
If negative thinking is persistent and affects sleep, mood, appetite, or enjoyment of the sport, it might be time to involve a trained mental health professional.
What to Look For:
Frequent crying, irritability, or withdrawal
Obsessing over mistakes or fear of failure
Expressing hopelessness or talking about quitting frequently
Support doesn’t mean something is “wrong”—it means you’re prioritizing mental wellness like you would physical conditioning.
You don’t need to be a sports psychologist to help athletes manage their inner world. You just need to stay present, keep the lines of communication open, and show them that their mental battles are something they can face—and win—with the right tools and support.
Because at the end of the day, the most powerful voice in an athlete’s head will one day be their own. Help them make it a voice that pushes, not punishes.
Does your athlete need more help regulating their emotions than you can provide? Help is available! Reach out today!